An Ode To You..

At times,
Its too much of a pain to bear -
The memoirs of my yester-years,
Flashes of all that
Which had always brought a smile,
Can now only
Be a testimony of my grief.
Remorse struck-
I wander lonely in mind,
Looking for a clue-
Any cue-
To absolve me of my guilt.
My sorrow pools dark-
In my eyes-
As I see your images.
Wishing yet again-
Time after time-
That I had seen you last.
Selfishly I had run away.
From all that had held dear.
Now I pine- for all that's lost.
Urge to hold onto the shreds-
Of the bitter pieces of my fate.
Shattered remains, mar my
Reality of today.
As I let my thoughts,
Cloud my vision.
Without you,
Its a deep void- unconquered.
Shall never be strong enough too.
My soul lies tormented-
As I let the rivulets flow.
My words try to out-pace them-
My means of expunging-
My only panacea-
To hope for some peace-
Within.

Oneday.. Someday...

So many things,
Bottled up,
Dying to break free.
Wish a name could define,
My mind prints.
But so many thoughts,
Run amok.
Tears pour down-
Dry.
Wish you were here-
To lead me away,
From all this farce.
Wish you really did exist-
As I paint out your image to be.
Is it my illusion then,
Of you-
Created by the cobwebs
Of my dreams.
Lucid- liquid-
They spill over-
My boundary of reality.
I imagine,
Sunshine lands,
Of eternal blue horizons.
As we cross all distances,
With hands held-
Eyes lovingly adorning,
All thorns.
You are,
Just a figment of my imagination.
Cleverly crafted,
To escape the fog-
That engulfs my vision.
Perhaps, I do want to
Live in self denial.
Negation of all odds.
Like a child-
Glued to the candy bar.
The ugly sweetness
Of the situation
Sucking me in.
One day soon
I'll draw out of this.
One day I'll get back
To my senses.
Hit back at my reality.

Shadows

I see our shadows,
Play in the sun.
The breadth of your shoulders-
My horizon.
We hold hands
In darkness.
Where the prying eyes
Rest easy.
Shyness honeycoats
Our innocence.
Joy seems a scope-
Revisited.
We allow ourselves to drift free.
Burdenless we seek
Happiness in togetherness.
Its a smooth flow then,
Without hangups,
Marring our progress.
No cobwebs of artificiality.
No thoughts spiral unannounced.
Life carries on-
At its own pace-
Carefree- a melody.
Peace reigns supreme-
Like a rivulet-
A stream of hope cascade,
Dreams seem a ready brooke-
A needed shelter,
Amidst all chaos.

Panacea

    

At times,

                                                            

Its so much  

Easier to reach out.
Shed all defences.
All false attempts at a fake vanity.
That proves inadequate a sheath.
At times,
Its so much easier,
To just let go.
Exfoliate.
Let it out.
Yet the pent up,
Finds no panacea.
Torn in its clutches,
It may cry for freedom.
But chooses to crush against,
Its own shackles.
Faith seems,
The hardest path,
To walk straight in.
The desired end,
Seems tantalizingly elusive then.
A test of grit,
Versus Time,
Deludes,
The sense of freedom thus.
Progressive,
Yet archaic,
The mind wanders,
In its meandering path.
Far from all.
It seeks isolation,
For its own completion.

A Step Behind

I feel your essence,
Every time I let my mind drift
To thoughts of you.
It envelopes me,
Shelters me in its cocoon.
I feel your warmth,
Despite the bite of
The distance.
Despite the chill,
In the air-
Where the words hang
Suspended- frozen.
Yet every time
I look back,
I know,
You are there-
A step behind.
I want to,
Reach out to you.
Shed all imaginary inhibitions.
Reach out to that light,
That surrounds you.
And illumines you to me.
Makes me wondrous,
Of our journey so far.
We've traveled far and wide,
Crossed the many twists and turns,
Of fate,
And the streams of pessimism.
We've held on-
Steadfast-
Against all tides of change.
Yet why do we now,
Stand at crossroads today.
Not finding a solution yet?
Why can't we be?
The way we have known each other to be?
Happy, contented, succint and confident-
By ourselves-
Together-
As one?

Thoughts

Left in my solitude,
My mind inevitably,
Turns towards you.
All the moments lived,
Flashes past,
In my mind's eye.
Leaving me powerless.
Defenseless-
In their onslaught.
I try to push you,
Out of my thoughts.
But everywhere I look,
Your name resonates.
There is an imprint of you,
In every sphere of my existence.
A wry smile-
Spreads-
At the futility of
All efforts to expunge.
Across the many miles,
I feel more a part of you-
Than apart.
I feel more connected to you,
Than distance may give space to.
I've no sense of right or wrong-
Anymore.
Nor do I know,
What I should want.
Confusion,
Mars my way.
As I let thoughts
Of finality,
Ring a death knell.
Yet deep down inside,
Its not that
What I would have wanted.
Maybe,
Its all for the greater good,
That I will have to
Shed a part of me.
Unwillingly-
Turn my back
On you.
Uncaring of all that
Others have said-
I've always believed in you.
Yet today,
I stand defeated.

Purple Gaze

I traced the patterns,

Under the clear moonlight.

So lovingly held,

In the heat of,

The purple gaze.

The upturned contours-

Defined- Sharp-

In their arrogance.

Craggy-

In its silvery silhoutte.

Perhaps,

It was the last time,

I set my eyes,
On your beauty.
Distance is,
What I shall maintain.
Keep a check-
Hold back.

Near - yet so far-

You looked complete,
In the street light glow.
The embers of your eyes-
Mellow.
Soft brown
Tinged with all that I know.
Rivulets of empathy,
Flood both our beings.
As we remain torn inside.
By choice.
By voice.
Eaten up inside,
By all second thoughts.
Yet giving no room
For regrets.
We now reap the seeds,
Of the germs we had sown.
Mirthless in companionship,
A lot of hushed whispers-

Suppressed.

We now live-

Drifted apart.

Our path chosen,

With pride,

We remain ever possessive,

Of all that

We cant leave behind.