Opprobrium

Tearless, I close my eyes.

As numbness besets my mind.

Weakness corrodes my senses,

As the shambles of all,

That I held dear-once-

Jar all around me.

The breaking pieces-

A crescendo of the wailing banshee.

Silent screams reverberate -

They echo around my hollow inner being.

No longer, can I feel, 

The bright fake spark of Optimism,

Ignite in me.

No longer, 

Can any facade 

Spur me on.

Broken, I back-trace my pace,

Knowing all roads lead to that dead end.

The kohl runs free now.

Devoid of its obloquy.

Chained to my solitude,

Remorse-struck,

I blame me,

For this grief-

That holds me a prisoner-

In its ignominy.

There could not be a last goodbye-

Nor even a last glimpse-

Of that smiling face,

That had instilled so much faith.

There could not be 

The last gun salute-

Of a man fiercely worshiped-

And a grandfather endeared.

The growing up years,

Of the many hues,

Illumined by His presence-

Wizened by his strength.

His words fill me now.

Take me in - down under.

The passage of years,

Crash by over me- 

Breaking and Shattering,

Into a million pieces-

All brittle- the cherished memories.

In my mind,

I refuse to disbelieve my childish belief,

In his existence still,

On that chair and desk-

Spreading knowledge all around.

The trophies that  adorn the walls,

The books that line the shelves-

Gather rust-

They miss the touch too,

Like his many disciples tonight.

My angst runs down in endless rivulets,

As I brood silently- 

Ruing the distance.

That separates Time, Space and Agony.

Stigmatized, I await the unwinding,

Of the second's hands-

Into more of its nefarious mysteries.

Lamenting the Loss,

I am no longer Me.

I am a bereaved mourner in Black-

An effigy of self-reproachment.