Harsh

Do you miss me at all,
Now that I am gone-
Without a whisper-
Without a trace.
Do you feel any charred void-
In your chagrin-
Or just a sordid indifference-
Of my absence.
Do you feel whole again-now-
With your eyes alight in relief-
A zealous guardian of your space and time?
How deep do the wounds run?
How far are we scarred?
Every time ours paths criss-cross,
We mar each other-
Our words of pain and agony,
In their trail,
A bitter aftertaste.
Push and pull-
Erode and corrode,
The fast diminishing breathing space.
In the place of love,
Animosity digs in its ugly roots.
As our love bites dust,
Grinds to the ground,
Do you smile your twisted smile?
You have moved on-
I am stuck in my same.
How far ahead are you?
Wont you look back at me-
A downtrodden self-
Fallen fast from,
That mantle you had placed me,
High on.
What made you so heartless,
What defined the harshness of your actions?
Veiled contempt-
Barely hidden in your eyes-
You had looked at me then-
Cold eyes marking out your own-
Solitary territory.
Your hand never reached out
For mine.
Your eyes were not the caress,
That were mine before.
Feelingless- you kicked me out-
Expecting me to find my own,
Hunted way back.
Regain strength in my faded glory.
Maybe I shall.
When I stop my need of you.

Fallen Glory

Night brings the loneliness,
Solitude resplendent-
Fallen glory,
My thoughts turn to you.
Past merges with the Present,
As Future looks grim and bleak.
Faded dreams,
In tatters-
Hopes in blue rings of ash-
Settle all around me.
The butts pile up-
As the shots reach a fever pitch.
I try to wipe off the image of you,
From my brain-
Your scent- lingers in my blood.
Passively pensive,
 I watch in my mind's eye-
The happy past streaming by.
All that remains-
Are broken smiles.
You may have been the victor,
In this battle against Fate.
Yet do you feel the sticky sweetness
Of your ugly joy tonight?
Do you at all-
Turn back to watch me-
Or have you really been so heartless-
To turn your back to me-
And watch me die slowly?
An ache- a void- consumes me-
My palate is bitter.
Devoid and barren-
I feel distant from my own self-
As my self-belief is left shaken.
The core of me is repelled-
Appalled- at the inevitable.
Yet I force myself to live on-
Exist ceaselessly in insouciance-
Living in pain-
Living in the past.

Cold

The lines of real and unreal,
Fade away into oblivion-
Cold fingers grip my heart,
As the numb finger tips cradle
A cold coffee cup.
The hard eyes- devoid of emotions,
Stare across the miles,
Turning the pages of HIStory.
Wondering - Pondering-
Wandering.
Amazed at the mazes,
That had been woven for so long.
Questions linger-
The more comprehension
I seek,
The more entrenched I get in the selfish muddle.
Lips pursed- in a blue line.
Code red flashes in my brain.
Logic and Love act at loggerheads-
To believe or not to believe.
Cold winds rustle my mind-
Yet refreshing nothing-
But throwing me deeper in thoughts.
I wish I could turn back time.
'Coz despite the confounding twists and turns
Of an empty fate-
My happiness remains tied with You.
The 5 years,
Seem nothing but fake and hollow today-
Yet a chunk of me,
Reasons against reasons-
To be still in love with it all.
No hope- all say-
I want to believe-
That the man I had believed above All,
Would still love me deep in his heart.
But he acted like his biological self-
And gave it away- to someone else.
My sorrow- knows no bounds-
Just now settled in a cold slumber.
My eyes, search for his face-
In the crowd.
But hopes despair-
What I cherish - now must perish.
'Coz he had killed it all.
He killed me with him too.
Killed my belief in me-
As my faith in faith itself.
I wish It were not so-
And he could be a man
Cold- dumbs my senses.
I am still in love with him.

Opprobrium

Tearless, I close my eyes.

As numbness besets my mind.

Weakness corrodes my senses,

As the shambles of all,

That I held dear-once-

Jar all around me.

The breaking pieces-

A crescendo of the wailing banshee.

Silent screams reverberate -

They echo around my hollow inner being.

No longer, can I feel, 

The bright fake spark of Optimism,

Ignite in me.

No longer, 

Can any facade 

Spur me on.

Broken, I back-trace my pace,

Knowing all roads lead to that dead end.

The kohl runs free now.

Devoid of its obloquy.

Chained to my solitude,

Remorse-struck,

I blame me,

For this grief-

That holds me a prisoner-

In its ignominy.

There could not be a last goodbye-

Nor even a last glimpse-

Of that smiling face,

That had instilled so much faith.

There could not be 

The last gun salute-

Of a man fiercely worshiped-

And a grandfather endeared.

The growing up years,

Of the many hues,

Illumined by His presence-

Wizened by his strength.

His words fill me now.

Take me in - down under.

The passage of years,

Crash by over me- 

Breaking and Shattering,

Into a million pieces-

All brittle- the cherished memories.

In my mind,

I refuse to disbelieve my childish belief,

In his existence still,

On that chair and desk-

Spreading knowledge all around.

The trophies that  adorn the walls,

The books that line the shelves-

Gather rust-

They miss the touch too,

Like his many disciples tonight.

My angst runs down in endless rivulets,

As I brood silently- 

Ruing the distance.

That separates Time, Space and Agony.

Stigmatized, I await the unwinding,

Of the second's hands-

Into more of its nefarious mysteries.

Lamenting the Loss,

I am no longer Me.

I am a bereaved mourner in Black-

An effigy of self-reproachment.