Transitions.

If you ask me why,
I've changed,
I cant give you,
A clear answer,
Except look away.
There are things,
I want you to know,
But I shall refrain,
From reducing them to syllables.
I dont want the
Look in your eyes to change.
I'm afraid again,
Of letting you in
Too deep,
Unsettling the arches,
Of my so called defences.
You know me too well.
Distance- seems more of a security
To keep at bay-all my confusions.
When all along,
Proximity raises phobia.
No more do I want to
Live in self-doubt.

Silence.

Engulfed by the icy winds,
So long,
Have I, given way to the passiveness,
Of my soul.
Rotting in negligence
Of my own voice.
Somewhere,
I had,
Lost my way.
I see it all now.
Clear- in the crystal clarity of the night.
There's been too much of silence
In me.
Waiting for the right moment,
To burst forth -
Pour out its rain and filth.
Crash ashore.
Beyond barriers
Of defiance.
And rise up,
In menace.
So long have I,
Longed to break
The shackles,
That had chained me,
To my empty past.
For me now,
Finally I feel,
That the time has come.
To eveolve-
Metamorphose,
Into a new state of being.
Be a new me.
Shed all skins of the old.
Look ahead-
With a clearer focus,
A sharper vision.
Retrospection, then,
Has given a brighter meaning,
To my silencio in solitude.

Tonight

Tonight, let me be,

Lost in the negativity of you.

Let my mind dwell,

On your shaded ways,

And jaded words.

Tonight, 

Let me hate you.

With a zeal-

As intense as  love.

Let me burn,

In the embers,

Of your ire.

Trapped in the contradiction

Of your absence in your presence,

Let me not find you, 

When I may reach out.

Let the darkness be my friend,

For tonight,

Let my lonesome ways,

Guide me.

To my own light.

Through the Rain

So long have we
Been used to the rain.
The cold winds,
Slapping thoughts,
To turn to reality.
The numbed senses,
Calmed.
Every time,
We had emerged-
Lighter - than before.
Faith and Trust
Had been personified-
In our stride.
Buoyant in our celebration,
Of  the Truth and its Rejuvenation-
Our days had  gained a new sheen,
Amidst all the needed redundancy.
The magical dream-run now
Is close to an end.
The final countdown,
Has begun its slow march
To the inevitable-already.
Days painfully numbered,
Dreams unwillingly crystallized;
The Distance greater-intensified,
Each time our eyes meet.
Passive in the
Illusion of our days so far,
We wait-
In anticipation,
To the New.
Yet a part of us-
Yearns to turn back the time.
The vivid moments captured,
Locked deep in our
Mind clocks.
Wary of what would follow,
In lieu of  proximity.
We step back-
Conscious-
Of our new roles.
As an innocuous  by-stander-
Watching the colours splash-
And paint renewed webs of thoughts.
Yet alert to all nuances,
That the forced subtlety would
Choose to hide.
Logic takes hold of us now.
The cold practicality-
Of needs and wants-
The blacks and whites,
Of the rights and wrongs-
Take a backseat-
In their cemented permanence.
Clarity in wakefulness-
Is what we now live by.
The choice had been long made-
When once lost.
Every step now taken,
Would have its cost.
But we hold on-
'Coz through  the rain-
We had learnt-
What would always
Make sense.
Empty though-
A road void of aim.
Yet its a phase-
A mere consolation.
Till the seeker finds solace again.

A Monster Called Boredom!!

Boring classrooms,
Result in mind pours.
Words spill out-
Out racing the ink flow.
Blue against white-
Bolder- faster.
Slashing out memories.
Criss-crossing through,
The dark blur.
Blurbs of thought bubbles,
Jump out of their restricted cloud space.
To be transcended into,
A logical whole.
The "makes no sense"
Part of me,
Gains some form.
Mediated by a
Monster called Boredom.
Mentally, I press,
The Delete Button-
On all my unwanted
Hazes.
Clarity is sought-
Hungrily by,
My parched mind.
I cleanse myself
Of all emotions-
Enabling them- defunct-
To cease to hurt me -
Anymore.
I feel pure-
Boredom makes me happy.

An Ode To You..

At times,
Its too much of a pain to bear -
The memoirs of my yester-years,
Flashes of all that
Which had always brought a smile,
Can now only
Be a testimony of my grief.
Remorse struck-
I wander lonely in mind,
Looking for a clue-
Any cue-
To absolve me of my guilt.
My sorrow pools dark-
In my eyes-
As I see your images.
Wishing yet again-
Time after time-
That I had seen you last.
Selfishly I had run away.
From all that had held dear.
Now I pine- for all that's lost.
Urge to hold onto the shreds-
Of the bitter pieces of my fate.
Shattered remains, mar my
Reality of today.
As I let my thoughts,
Cloud my vision.
Without you,
Its a deep void- unconquered.
Shall never be strong enough too.
My soul lies tormented-
As I let the rivulets flow.
My words try to out-pace them-
My means of expunging-
My only panacea-
To hope for some peace-
Within.

Oneday.. Someday...

So many things,
Bottled up,
Dying to break free.
Wish a name could define,
My mind prints.
But so many thoughts,
Run amok.
Tears pour down-
Dry.
Wish you were here-
To lead me away,
From all this farce.
Wish you really did exist-
As I paint out your image to be.
Is it my illusion then,
Of you-
Created by the cobwebs
Of my dreams.
Lucid- liquid-
They spill over-
My boundary of reality.
I imagine,
Sunshine lands,
Of eternal blue horizons.
As we cross all distances,
With hands held-
Eyes lovingly adorning,
All thorns.
You are,
Just a figment of my imagination.
Cleverly crafted,
To escape the fog-
That engulfs my vision.
Perhaps, I do want to
Live in self denial.
Negation of all odds.
Like a child-
Glued to the candy bar.
The ugly sweetness
Of the situation
Sucking me in.
One day soon
I'll draw out of this.
One day I'll get back
To my senses.
Hit back at my reality.