Grief

 Grief steals in slowly,

Into the least expected moments -

Leaving you defenceless 

Weakening your core. 

Its always around you -

About you,

Creeping in like a shadow,

That's the strongest

On the sunniest of days. 

And no matter how strong 

You had willed yourself to become,

Grief forces you to unbecome -

As you let go of your guards,

That had made you stand tall -

Like the iron maiden,

Against the gusts of change. 

With grief, 

Settles in the dusts -

Nothing but the cobwebs 

Of the memories 

Past their time- 

Ashen in their wake,

Blue as you lie awake -

Through the many nights ;

Tearless and joyless

Forlorn - in your ways.

Greens and greys 

Of the days -

Blend and blur

As you navigate

The dusk and dawn,

That seem to spiral 

Out of control- 

Leaving you lost -

Trying to soak it all up 

Flirting at the brink 

Of sanity - 

While you try to hold on

And not sink.

The Last 4 Decades

 She sat tall,

Holding the steaming mug of cocoa - 

Her head tilted against the sunlight,

As she gazed unseeing yonder. 

Her mind scurried through,

Her colorful memory lane -

At 60, she felt neither young,

Nor old. 

Just living  - alive.

The grey mane shone against

The setting sun,

Its rays almost lilting,

Against the blue rims of her glasses. 

The hands that held the cocoa mug, 

Had the markings of hard-work and effort - 

The veins stood out,

Muscular and strong

While the red painted nails,

Added the fire to the soul. 

Her face was strong too - 

Almost in defiance of the ways of the world.

Her lips wore a knowing smile,

That hinted at the lessons learnt 

That were to be passed on to her grandchild. 

And as she gazed yonder,

Lost in thoughts,

Weaved with silence -

Her eyes suddenly chanced upon 

A much loved form 

Walking stooped towards her coffee shop. 

The slightly balding head,

Enconsed in a familiar berret.

As he drew near,

She drew a deep breath too -

The rush of memories gushed by, 

As she swirled them over,

In her mind's eye. 

Their eyes met 

As he entered,

The last 25 years stood still 

Between them - 

As time froze 

And the seconds vanished.

As he walked towards her -

He was the same Cadet who'd 

Proposed to her 

On the banks of the Nile - 

Where they had made 

Their own love isle. 

He hugged her 

And she breathed in the familiar cologne

That defined her husband to her - 

This man, who had matched her rhythm,

Everyday in the last four decades. 

The hospital death bed

 In my mind's eye

I see the stoic face -

Austere against,

Any signs of life. 

The cold hands,

Now bluish grey -

Lose their grip 

The fingers astray -

Purposeless. 

The heartline was flat -

The monitor,

Strangely silent -

Beepless. 

The family standing by - 

Awash with grief,

Numbed by disbelief. 

Silent hot tears

Roll down 

The little girl's cheeks 

In streaks. 

Her rosy face 

As ashen as the form,

That lay lifeless on the 

Hospital deathbed. 

Her bonny fingers,

Grasp her grandmom's dead ones -

The clasp ,

A cusp between 

Life and death - 

Two sides of the same smudged coin. 

 

Unbreakable

You won't ever break me,

Shake me or see me ruptured. 

You will never find me 

Lonely and lost - 

Like a lonesome comet,

Trudging a path to decline. 

Try as you may,

You can never 

Get under my skin - 

Never make me budge,

From my stoicity. 

For I am strong,

Made of steely guts - 

That can withstand anything,

That you may throw at me. 

My eyes will always shine bright -

The kohl never smudged 

But my heart will always be 

Airtight - 

Defensive against the word bombs -

That your love has,

Reduced us to. 

Fading away

 Fading away slowly,

The milky eyes 

Stared at the clock - 

Waiting for it to tick out,

And peace to steal in.

As life waeaved its way 

Into the final few minutes, 

The lifespan played in a loop -

With her reliving all of it. 

Was it worth anything,

She wondered? 

Was the life lived 

A mark of something good,

Or a question mark forever?

What was the legacy that

She would leave behind - 

What was it that others would

Remember her by?

The blurry gaze settled on her family -

The teary anxious faces 

That looked at her in fear. 

She smiled -

A watery weak crease on her lips.

She felt a sense of serenity suddenly,

As she looked up,

She saw her own parents smiling down on her.

She stretched out her hand 

To wave at them -

And then let it settle down 

Limp by her side.

Her heart fluttered 

As did her eyes. 

She closed her eyes 

And held her daughter -

One final time.

Leaves

A blank mind,

Stares moodily,

Into the empty screen in front. 

A body bereft of a desire,

To rise or move - 

Stuck in the comfort,

That inertia alone can tempt with. 

The empty canvas,

Of the mind's eye- 

Retraces the patterns,

That nostalgia brings forth. 

The old and familiar -

Seem a safe haven,

To slink and escape to. 

The reality now,

Too jaded-

For the soul,

So faded. 

The noir,

Conspicuous in it's ire-

Wanes into grey too,

As the numbness 

Steals into the 

Deepest corners of the heart.

He had played his part,

Living dead,

Loving the dead.

Now, it was time

To bow out-

Turn the page,

Turn over into

A green new leaf.

Parts of Me

 

There is a part of me,

That knows no emotion-

Walking blank and black,

Thrust into the Noir.

There is a part of me,

That is happy-

Deliriously so,

Delusional as well.

There is a part of me,

Afraid to let 

The dam break,

Or the guards down-

Hesitant to fuel,

The controversy that curiosity 

Can alone raise. 

There is a part of me,

That's watchful-

Silent and steady,

In a pensive gaze

Cast across the world around-

Reserving the scorn,

That myopia can bring. 

There is a part of me today,

That keeps counting the seconds,

Instead of the blessings-

To go beyond,

And very far away - 

Where the elasticity

Of the horizon line,

Is still unknown.

That is a part of me,

That is scattered and splattered -

In debris of my hubris,

Picking up the pieces-

To still hold on,

Un-waned and Un-tamed.

You!

You are always

On my mind. 

As the reason - 

For the sudden smile, 

Or the sparkle in my eye. 

In you I did lean,

As the world swung by 

And the time rushed on -

Careless of life. 

With you, 

My days found hope

As, in you

I did sense a bit of a home.

You are the star-shine,

On any dark night - 

A soft envelope

Against the ordinary world,

Lighting up my world,

In your invincible glow. 

You are my comfort,

A safe space

To nestle into - 

Burrowing deep within

Your reserves of strength,

To find some in me too. 

You are the dream,

Of a the nomad -

To have found 

A direction, at last! 

I am only too happy 

To find out more - 

Of what lies ahead,

And what life has in store.

Till then,

I am okay to embrace

The fragility of the 'more' - 

Because in it lies 

Beauty and it's Music,

As the tendrils of familiarity 

Bind me to you. 

Bubbles of excitement,

Rise up,

As I think of you -

Longing to see the same things

As you do. 

Till then,

There you shall be - 

Far yet so very near.

Standing atop the pedestal,

Shining the brightest. 

The Epitaph

What hid behind,
The Smile -
No-one knew.
When you went the mile-
You left a life, askew.
Now, it's tough to trace,
The rings of memories-
Like, wreathes of smoke,
From half burnt out butts,
They settle, unsettled.
The dried up tears,
Stretch the path-
Never forgotten.
The unsmiling eyes,
Look deep into the faded photograph-
For a sign of life,
Remembering the epitaph. 

That moment

The plumes of smoke,
Billowed through,
Curling into our skin,
The wafts of hashish-drugged joy,
A merry haze.
I looked at you,
Over the gold rim,
Of the wine glass-
Saw your profile,
Sharp and strong,
The marble eyes-
Shielding the blaze,
Aglow, within.
I leaned closer,
To trace out the features-
As your eyes,
Gained focus on mine.
The tendrils of my curls,
Rested on your brows-
As I chased away the clouds,
That lurked in the hidden,
Depths of the eyes.
I lay,
Listening to your heart-beat-
The melting wax of the candles,
The indication of time.
That moment,
Needed no words.
We lay together,
As silence engulfed us-
And world around us,
Revolved, pivot-less.

Black pools

The eyes, 

Saw the reflection

In the mirror - 

The face - unknown. 

The body, 

Yet, all too familiar. 

The black pools,

Saw the ocean within -

The waves that crashed,

To the surface,

Yet fizzled out,

Before the froth. 

The tornado,

Of the thoughts- 

Imminent and inverse, 

Looking at the moments,

In the reverse. 

Living the moments,

Of the final call-

The silent cry,

For help. 

The silence,

That crashed,

As an afterglow - 

Deafening and a blow,

To all that she'd held close. 

The walls had been shattered,

Replaced by cemented guards-

The eyes, 

Now that stared back-

Wrinkled and fine-lined,

Spoke of another chapter. 

Shepherd

As each month passes by,
And the future
Is always the living present -
A part of me,
Finds myself rooted,
To the past.
The sepia toned moments now-
Seemed to be the only life.
Time now,
A mere countdown
On a clock-work precision.
The days left behind,
That bear our twin pair of,
Footprints cemented to the sand-
Seem to stretch like,
An elastic forever.
A warm blanket,
To hold me close-
In the coldest of times.
Etched in stone,
Is your happy smile -
That flowed freely,
And loved so deeply.
You remain the truth,
Of a moral compass-
To guide the nights by.
The shepherd,
To the manger of hopes -
Your natural optimism,
A beacon in all darkness.
Words can never,
Bespeak the essence -
Of your absence now.
Its felt acutely now-
Ever more so,
With every faded day,
That gets struck off the calendar.

Abstract

As the pages turn,
The days die too.
Shorn into their own dusk,
Awaiting a starless sky.
The pair of eyes gleam upwards,
Unshed tears glitter,
All the while,
Searching for another pair,
So known yet now so afar.
The black hole,
Yawns in between -
The gaping hollow,
Too extreme.
One long gone,
Without a trace,
Or a new address-
Leaving the other,
Lost and wandering.
The one left behind,
Is the one left over.
The promises of togetherness -
A sudden sham,
That arise the bile,
Locked deep in the throat.
Yet the tears know no anger-
Peace and love adorn,
The gaze.
As the photographs run out,
The memories are what seem real now-
The only link to the reality -
Now abstract.

Bus ride

I looked over at my 3 am companion, 

With my jaded eyes,

Dulled with sleep. 

But my mind was abuzz,

Going over the last 48 hours,

Of the sudden trip. 

He sat beside me too,

His white shirt stretched over

His broad shoulders -

Which fought for space,

In the seat for two. 

I put my head on his shoulder,

Thinking that we should have Uber-ed,

And not waited for the bus to start.

His composed poise,

Told me to hold on tight,

Keep the faith, 

Trust the night.

Impatience is my vice - 

And yet his calm, 

Helped ease my mind - 

Negate the white noise,

And kill the chatter.

We sat side by side, 

Half-awake,

Yet the silence, 

Was the solace.

An hour later, 

When the bus wheels began to move, 

And dawn broke out,

Filling the horizon,

With a soft glow;

I looked at my companion in wonder -

Marveling at the new chapter,

Yet unopened. 

D-Day

I dread the day,
When I have to let you go-
When I can see your eyes no more,
Watching my every step.
I fear the day,
When I can't hear your footsteps anymore-
Running behind me-
Trying to keep up
Or out-run.
I am paralyzed
With the ominous inevitability,
Of holding you still,
Not feeling your precious heartbeat
Any more.
I pray everyday,
For the longer life,
Happier each day.
And I know,
My life would be sans meaning-
Without your love,
To feel fulfilled everyday -
And I'll follow suit too,
As soon as you go.

Core

Two conflicting emotions,

Yet the core, 

So the same. 

There I saw you,

Shedding tears for someone,

Long gone -

Still looking for answers,

For the questions unasked. 

My heart burst,

With all the love,

That the sheer protective bond 

Of a decade long friendship 

As I saw the tears roll down,

All I could think of,
And curse at,

Was the distance;

This space separating us
Across the continents - 

As we each run amok - frightened?

As I sat ruminating in deep, 

Contemplating life and love,

I looked around to see baby fast asleep -

Her innocence, her watermark. 

And I watched her dream happily, 

Of the many butterflies and rainbows,

My heart again burst,

With the protective love - 

That our bond commands. 

It moved me then,

To realize and feel,

The power of love- 

At that moment, 

Of that moment. 

Two separate entities, 

Two distinct identities,

With different realities- 

Yet the vector in me,

Driven by the core root

Of love,

To give life, a life. 

The Little Boy

The eyes that slept,

That night,

Were the same,

That hadn't wept,

For a long time. 

Behind those eyes,

Lived dreams, 

Without hope. 

Sordid and dark,

Fermented and stark-

As the black liquid pools 

Of silent despair,

Flooded the lungs-

As the breath came out,

Fast and loud. 

He held onto,

The woman,

Who lay asleep,

By him -

His only touch of life,

And reality,

Of the moment.

His eyes fluttered,

As his dreams crashed,

All about him.

As the man crumbled away-

The little boy in him,

Shouted out-

Crying for help,

Seeking some solace. 

The girl, awake now,

Watched him,

Mesmerized- 

Frozen in shock-

Yet at that moment,

She felt the full force,

Of her boundless love for him-

To protect and nurture,

The little boy in him,

That had grown up without wonder -

And now lay thrashing about,

Lost in his night-mare. 

She reached out and held him,

Close - 

His breath fanned all about her,

As he whimpered,

For his freedom,

From the death jaws. 

She held him,

Cradling his head onto 

Her bosom- 

Till he calmed down,

And ceased to cry.

Placid he lay,

His face, 

A poetry in repose. 

She watched him, 

As he slept-

Praying for his peace,

As she vowed to 

Pick up all his broken pieces,

And let him live to dream again-

With hope - lost in wonder. 

Into the Light

I wish you well,
From the heart -
Brushing under the carpet,
All that was ugly.
Hatred had suffused
My spirit -
My broken pathway,
Littered with shards
Of the lonely bards.
Forgive and Forget,
I cannot -
Yet to treasure the golden,
And look forward
To the sunshine ahead,
Is silver lining,
Deep within.
Because when things break-
They cannot be glued back.
Fragile reality,
Cannot always bear
The brunt of
Our mistakes.
I bid you well,
Smile - through the tears,
Seek the bright -
In the ashen,
As we walk alone,
Into the light. 

Maverick!

The Maverick flew down
The steps - 4 at a time.
Life must keep up,
With the pace in his heart -
Than be slow, a start!
His bright eyes,
Gazed at the horizon beyond-
Yet absorbing,
All that the surrounds had to offer-
In a matter of seconds.
Information processing,
Was like second skin -
Expert eyes in 2 pairs,
Could spot the ugly,
In the pseudo-
And yet give no hint,
Of the truth within.
People came in psychedelic colors,
In his walk of life -
As he sprinted past them most -
Head, heart and shoulders above all.
Dark eyes,
Shimmered with the wry and the un-writ,
Rings of mirth,
Covered his aura.
As his lips curved up,
To greet the next stranger -
Inwardly, he laughed at all,
Sizing them up,
Whilst putting them in their rightful places -
In his head.
He was a Maverick-
Who functioned in extremes,
Polarized were the emotions bestowed -
A see-saw of extreme love or hatred,
Nothing in grey -
Nothing suspended in between.
And that's how he liked it -
To keep it clean, clear,
Simple and True.
The Maverick had God on his side -
The light of 'Kaivalya'
Shone bright -
As he pushed the door,
To announce his presence -
To yet another group
In yet another day,
Of his eternal life.

Yellow Light

She lay against his chest,

Cocooned in the comfort- 

Of his strong arms. 

He lay sleeping by her,

His nose buried in her hair. 

She watched him dream-

As his eyes fluttered 

And his lashes shadowed his cheeks. 

She traced his face -

Her touch soft and slow. 

The curve of his lips mellow-

In the soft glow of the yellow light. 

Two forms lay entwined in peace- 

With guards down,

Safe, basking in the trust placed - 

In each other. 

Slowly, she too fell asleep- 

Happy at being home.