Quicksand

There are things,

That I wish I could tell you -

May be seek some panacea

In an hour of exfoliation.

Maybe in that hour,

No words would pour forth-

Because expression wasn't ever,

A strong virtue.

How can I explain the claustrophobia

That throttles me,

In the thought of any future ahead?
Where's any part of me,

With you?

I don't see a symmetry in design-

Just a structure based on individual musings-

Only with 10 heads-

None I like.

The hydra-headed aftermath-

Of desire,

Could wreck too-

Is my worry.

I don't like the elements in your life-

Because none that are now,

Will ever die.

We are not even then,

In thoughts, actions and sense of justice.

We can never see eye-to-eye!

Partnership, must vest itself 

At the helm of creation, 

Together-

Not living life on individual lanes.

I see you far away-

Floating farther away each day.

I won't pull you back-

You were never mine.

You always belonged to people within

Your vicinity-

Never cared, never dared to look back-

On me.

Sometimes, I fear the faith-

Blindly stored-

Binding in it's essence?

I sink in solitude,

Always so alone.

I never really had you,

With me, completely-

To lose my iron-shield.

Tears come no more-

They are dry now.

Just that I have flung me somewhere

Too remote in these years of wait and watch.

Caustic spirit stokes the flames,

As my heart burns slowly- rotting away.

Maybe I'm cold.

I am scared of the quicksands,

That I see everywhere.

Nowhere is home-

With you too, 

I would never know.

Quicksand, be the leit motif then-

Stalactiting dreams.

I wish I could talk to you-

Wish there was a me,

With you too.

Silence grips my days,

As I melt away.

Letting my shadow,

Trace its own path of secrecy.

I am no more the sunshine girl.

Living for happiness.

All joy seems dissipated-

In wait for the past 3 years,

With no relief from the madness.

All the same.

None too old.

Only now too cold.

I'm sinking-

Powerless to cry out for help.

I don't want to be saved.