Quicksand

There are things,

That I wish I could tell you -

May be seek some panacea

In an hour of exfoliation.

Maybe in that hour,

No words would pour forth-

Because expression wasn't ever,

A strong virtue.

How can I explain the claustrophobia

That throttles me,

In the thought of any future ahead?
Where's any part of me,

With you?

I don't see a symmetry in design-

Just a structure based on individual musings-

Only with 10 heads-

None I like.

The hydra-headed aftermath-

Of desire,

Could wreck too-

Is my worry.

I don't like the elements in your life-

Because none that are now,

Will ever die.

We are not even then,

In thoughts, actions and sense of justice.

We can never see eye-to-eye!

Partnership, must vest itself 

At the helm of creation, 

Together-

Not living life on individual lanes.

I see you far away-

Floating farther away each day.

I won't pull you back-

You were never mine.

You always belonged to people within

Your vicinity-

Never cared, never dared to look back-

On me.

Sometimes, I fear the faith-

Blindly stored-

Binding in it's essence?

I sink in solitude,

Always so alone.

I never really had you,

With me, completely-

To lose my iron-shield.

Tears come no more-

They are dry now.

Just that I have flung me somewhere

Too remote in these years of wait and watch.

Caustic spirit stokes the flames,

As my heart burns slowly- rotting away.

Maybe I'm cold.

I am scared of the quicksands,

That I see everywhere.

Nowhere is home-

With you too, 

I would never know.

Quicksand, be the leit motif then-

Stalactiting dreams.

I wish I could talk to you-

Wish there was a me,

With you too.

Silence grips my days,

As I melt away.

Letting my shadow,

Trace its own path of secrecy.

I am no more the sunshine girl.

Living for happiness.

All joy seems dissipated-

In wait for the past 3 years,

With no relief from the madness.

All the same.

None too old.

Only now too cold.

I'm sinking-

Powerless to cry out for help.

I don't want to be saved. 

 

Shall we Dance?

Hindsight of the past 3 years,
Reveal the growth of a new face.
The first instance of accidental "touch"-
Perhaps Fate knocking on our doors.
There onwards,
The pages of my journal
Were crusted with memoirs
That stirred the soul.
Steps taken slowly,
Seemed to be a big jigsaw puzzle,
That seemed automated
By the Hand of Time-
To miraculously
Fall in place.
Wisdom dawned,
In moments,
Unbraced for-
Yet awaited with bated breath
The beauty was an innocence
Coursing through
The shy glances.
The name had always hovered
Around - like a cushion.
Against all darkness.
A source of strength,
Lay beckoning in the eyes
Of my sorcerer.
The first finger-lacing
And hands entwined-
Felt like a call from Heaven
Almost-
Like a known soul-meet.
Past life retrogression,
Seems to be of such importance now!
I need to know you through all lifetimes-
That we spin, circling around.
Of love and lust,
Is our fairy-tale,
Everyday, a new experience-
To learn and grow-
A second chance given to life?
May be we both had found each other-
At the time, meant right for us.
How can I put in words,
The wave of emotions,
That catch me in unguarded moments,
When I think of you?
Nothing can be apt,
To frame my feelings
For the completion you bestow-
My shining light,
Of so many lives.
Shall we dance now, love,
Throughout our lifetime?

A-void

By the horizon she sat,

A perfectly still form,

Stark against the winter sun.

The waves lapped at her feet,

As her boat rocked gently.

She watched the setting sun,

With dew-ed eyes,

Shimmering in the light.

Dark thoughts flashed across her soul

And she let them

Wash over her. 

Maybe to purge than be in purgatory,

Maybe in it's way of drain,

A catharsis was what she'd wanted.

For months, she'd dreamt of being away-

From all. 

Lavish the silence, 

As it would coil around her.

Nothing but birds and the sea,

To embrace her,

As she would slowly let go.

A lot had pent up,

Over the years,

With no vent out-

Only a sedimented outburst internalized.

She's seen all the faces,

She had loved with her heart-

Walk away and leave her alone.

The hands she'd held in trust,

In turn-turned their backs on her-

As she sat there watching them leave-

Numb and cold.

She had grown up and grown older-

In the last few months,

She would never rewind of her life.

Existence was funny-she laughed,

A thin smile crossing her white cheeks-

Cool against the harsh wind.

No-one chose to be born.

Yet the undeniable flow was out of 

One's own control.

Control - a strange word- 

Chaotic and quixotic much!

In its charm, vests individual importance,

In its absence, leads trails astray.

The orange hued sky slowly started to darken,

As the silence fell dead in her ears.

She chose that moment to sing-

A song she'd loved as a child.

It brought her closer to her strangely-

Something that she's missed for a while.

Maybe the umbilical chord to soul

Rests in finding oneself in silence-

And may be then can inner peace intervene,

To optimize thought channels towards a positive light.

She missed herself the most-

So dead and fake to the world-

She'd forgotten what her own laugh was like.

All she had uttered were brittle reactions,

That melt into the cacophony.

She liked to blend in these days-

Not to incite any attention her way-

She feared any moment of joy

Turning into a memory she would rush to delete.

Trust was always easy to trample on-

She had seen that too often.

There was little of her,

That she had left-

Mostly sold to the lies that faced her always.

Ashen, her heart heaved suddenly, 

As she let out a sob.

Her thoughts flitted to her parents-

Who'd waited eagerly everyday,

To hear her voice speak of the beauty 

That her eyes never saw.

May be it would be better this way too-

Soon all would be over,

And one day her parents would learn to live without her.

Slowly she let her fingers let go,

Of their hold on the oars-

As she slid into the black water-

That strangely gave her life a new life ....