24/7, 365 days a year

The thoughts strike as I work,
And I feel the flood gates of love suffusing.
Fighting in the dark,
Finding your way through-
Is an image that brings pain
When I think of you.
And it's funny,
Given that you occupy and pre-occupy
My mind,
Every minute of the 24/7.
Questions that face you,
Jar you more than they shake me.
And every ripple in your soul,
Tears me apart as I search in the veracity,
Of an fused living.
I laugh,
At other people's taunts-
Find it funny,
The negativity
That we so impose, on all.
We must be strong then,
Paradoxically-
To even out all odds, together.
24/7,
365 days a year,
You're by me,
As I feel your halo envelop,
As a cocoon,
As you cushion me against all filth.
I stand by you too,
For I believe in you more,
Than you may-
Love you more than you can love yourself.
I would only hope,
That love itself illumines as the shining beacon,
As you remain steadfast,
But never anchorless.
I have never chosen to voice against your life,
It has many shades,
And stories as they unfold.
It doesn't matter what I am told,
For I find mirth in all myths,
That surround you, my man.
We must be something then,
To twist the hearts of many-
Yet we would never intend,
To hurt any.
Valuing every part of you,
I would seek to balance out,
All that you may care for,
And cherish too.
What matters to you,
And salves your spirit-
Must also echo in your mirror.
Together, we are by far stronger,
As I let you dig in your own space.
I caress your beauty,
And seek to free you from all shackles that harness.
Unity lies,
Forever re-strengthened,
As I gaze into the eyes I know-
See the velvet coursing through-
And reaching out to my deepest depths.
As we join hands,
We join fates too.

Life on Pills

Every morning,
Awakening comes with thoughts,
Of names and colors.
Wonder how suddenly,
My life seems governed by those attributes.
The shape and contour must be smooth-
To swallow as recklessly as water permits.
Pills of different hues-
Red, golden, orange, green and white-
Vitamins, minerals and paracetamols.
I can't find my strength any more-
Caged by assorted thoughts,
And lack of desire to touch morsels.
At times,
I do sense the end nearby-
As I black-out,
And fade away.
At times, I wonder,
If the fight to exist is worth all effort.
I remember my mother,
And her pains to take me off the pill support-
Lead a natural life.
But how that can be-
When normal is bygone?
As the stress and bile fuse in,
Numbed be my veins as my blood flow
Remains constricted.
Blue veins stare out,
I urge for the crimson tides-
To exhibit signs of life,
As my life stays inhibited.
Cold grips toes,
I cannot move or walk-
There is a lack of stamina and sensation-
Is it due to my mind or weakness in general?
I long for the hours to discontinue,
As the meaninglessness of pills settles in deep.

Happy 18th October

Always on mind,
Always in dreams-
You blossom,
Ever supreme.
Love your every step,
As you go gallivanting,
In my city of Pune !
Your smile childish,
Happy and full of glee-
That you leave so buried deep in you.
Thoughts of that,
As I stare at a mindless inbox,
Brings a sigh of relief.
I am taken aback too,
At the sheer selflessness,
That stares at me starkly,
When it comes to you.
I live you,
Swear by your name,
Not letting anyone tarnish
It's strange hold,
On me.
In your precious shadow,
I find my strength-
As we sing the same song of peace.
Unhinged and liberated,
You let me fly free.
In your arms,
I seek my salvation.
It's a path of love,
Where I reach out to you,
To find my way back home.
I salute the year gone by -
It's embossed with the gold of truth.
I thank all Forces,
Of letting me clap my eyes on you,
Last year-
This day-
This time-
This date.
And it forever lies imprinted in my heart,
Remains dug deep in my soul-
Carving out a figurine of an angel in my mind.
In my solitude,
When struck by the hard blows of the lonesome ways,
Memories race back to memoirs of us-
And the embers radiate a deep glow,
Like a halo,
Fanning all around me.
Your love's my strength
That carries me through the dark stare-case.
I thank You,
And all your ways-
That makes me warm and fuzzy within.
Happiness floods,
As the wave of love engulfs,
Happy 18th sweetheart-
It's been such a joyride with my soulmate,
Happy Manniversary my Man-Wonder
To you, I belong, my Mangel !

Virus

Wonder how elastic is patience,

Or when it borders on  madness.

Is it callousness of oneself

That makes one careless of reason?

Stepping on the path of treason-

The treasure seemed a public property almost.

Naturally, the urge is to expose the core-

No matter the ugly stench of it.

Belief,faith and trust,

Seems raw and frayed.

Questioning the fundamental foundation,

As someone's idea of fun- 

Seems the only logical way through.

The virus contaminates the mind-

As it retraces through it's regrets.

Flying far away from it's secure nest-

The humdrum seems a loud noise,

In itself a jeer to the downtrodden.

The eyes known once,

Seem strange and bleak to gaze into.

Ease lies shaken,

As the discrepancies of motives,

Comes into play.

The hands that clasped,

Now seem like weapons meant to murder dreams.

The body that sheathed,

Now seems like a cardboarded fantasy-

Or maybe just an effigy of folly.
With some more days wasted in daze,

And precious youth stagnant-

The urge to break-free and feel alive,

Is through spirits - to enliven the espirit.

Drags that deaden senses,

Is a heady escapism-

And give peace that soothe as a thin balm.

Lost in one's own world,

Superficial seems supreme,

Fake be smiles that don't reach to the eyes

It's all a game,

That must end,

Before it ends others.

Giving it all,

There's not much left.

Love?

Its a carnival of love,

The license to enjoy sinless,

Leaving past to dust,

And storming ahead.

Holding hands I know,

Avik's or Dad's-

Sure of their love,

Way forward seems easy.

No more the mercurial or suicidal thoughts,

Settling back in deep repose-

Time seems a luxury almost.

Its a surge of emotions,

Love, awe and wonder

Making me softened to touch

And sensitized to surroundings.

The crowd that had irked,

Now seemed a comfort zone.

Far away from the city that ruins,

Curled up on your lap,

I let the tears flow free.

Held back for so long.

The slightest touch of known,

Unzipping the scars.

I hear you croon the soft words,

Feel kisses reign on my hair,

As you rock me and treat me like a child.

But my numbed state observes most 

In slow motion.

Feeling nothing 

Except deep anger.

The longing to lash out

And destroy the pitiable petty pretty face;

Seems like a blood boiling urge.

I think about you,

And feel confusion reign in.

We are both normal,

Chasing the abnormal.

The glitch has to be kicked aside,

Or we cave in.

Hatred courses through me,

As I think of you and me
Stuck in this madness of rat race
And its unending layers that complicate lives.
I shake my curls,
As the tears saturate your shirt.
Looking at you,
I feel sadness tingled with love?

Opium

The burden of dreams,
Seems like an immovable weight,
Settled on your back-
To curb all your way forward.
You see them shelling off,
One by one-
Falling off your own sand castles,
Into pits and dunes unseen.
You watch the downfall,
Passively-
As there isn't much to emote on.
The dead weight,
Leaves no peace.
It shreds to pieces-
All happiness too.
Bitter and burnt,
The stain of Karma,
Invades olfactory senses.
The jagged ends of the burnt crystals,
Settled like sediments atop surfaces-
Now, prick as the cuts bleed.
Indeed, given the anti-social stance,
You feel pity for those who wish to reach out.
Condescending too-
As you remain ingrained and buried in your own iron shell.
Yet you watch it all-
All efforts at cheer,
All actions of trying to unchain and un-shackle-
Met only with a silent jeer.
No-one close enough-
Distance is what pacifies-
Time heals- but when remains the question?
Is it impatience marring conscience-
Then again, would it rightfully not be so too-
As any path ahead,
Seems darker- shrouded in mystery?
Pawn or puppet,
You refuse to dance or tag along,
While others reproduce spawns,
You opt for the Devil to slay your Nightingale.
Basically then, basic instincts,
Lay prostrate at odds with one another.
What you aspire for,
Is mocked at by reality alone.
Do you feel alone too?
The iron shell,
Prohibits a rational thought-
Yet by itself,
The structure offers a reliefs,
As it segues into a land of the solitary reaper.
Curiously you wonder,
At the lack of trials
Of any acts to inveigle joy-
But you scoff and scorn at your own pedantry-
When all lies pejorative-
To all that you hold dear;
It's all a story that ends with
Once upon a time.
Sunshine, could only impart the yellow hue-
Much earlier, to the immature shapeless mind.
Now, all efforts to seek warmth,
Seem vain-
As all mirth too seem to wane-
Instead of a smile,
You meet the serious eyes-
Hidden behind dark shades.
Transition & transformation
To translucence,
Is a constant and a conscious choice,
Towards convenience.
You form your own escape strategies,
From all the confusions-
That only serve to further torment-
And relish the lack of release.
Opium, is what the lackluster eyes thirst for-
To deaden senses

You

And it matters to me
What You go through-
Rings and wrecks,
Right in and through me.
It's a heart's despair,
The silence that engulfs
Two lines-
While the minds maybe conversing,
In their own telepathy.
You ask me not to worry,
You've got it under control-
But doesn't logic fail-
When in front of the magic of love?
I care,
Seems the least that I can do-
For You, now-
As You go through Your own personal hell.
You wish nothing but peace and happiness,
Likewise, I would roar-
But at what cost?
Is it all worth it-
I keep asking,
But the answer obviates itself,
Before You catapult it through me.
Is this a phase then?
Which has its own potholes and daily downfalls?
Then, You have me firmly ensconced by You-
Through thick and thin-
And all such terms that folklores endear to.
Yet, I believe in them-
For I believe in You.
I subscribe to the value of One-
One love, life and being.
In You, I seek my Unity.
By You,
I choose to navigate the life-waves-
All turbulence or storms,
Or winds of change.
I wish to support You,
And raise You higher each time-
Elevate You to that pedestal,
Of awe, wonder and envy.
For, I believe,
That You deserve it-
For being just You.
And I believe in You.
I long to take You away,
And shelter You in Your sand-castle,
In Your own Island of Dreams.
Let You be the child,
That You deny.
And feel innocence,
Tracing Your footfalls again.
How I wish,
So many things,
For You.
If only,
Dementia didn't strike retards.
Pine to let You run free,
Towards all that You seek.
Wish to end it all for You-
So that no more You may have to fight it out,
As You wait it out.