Disoriented.

Its no longer the green notes,
Nor the pocket  tones -
Its no longer the thrill of freedom,
Nor the peace with solitude.
Every day- is a disturbed reality.
Where the line between reel and real-
Seems to have merged solidly.
There's a chunk of me-
Amiss.
Not really sure of what
Or who-
Every day is a stretch of the monotony.
In itself- a minor agony.
Things I dream of,
With eyes wide open,
Places I see-
In my mind's eye.
None fictional.
All lived and laughed through.
I miss the greens and the rains-
Idle times over the coffee steam.
With smiles of the people,
I lovingly call friends.
I miss the music,
Your company could create.
The way the violin,
Would tug my heart.
The way your voice reverberated,
With all that you felt,
As the words uttered
Had the sharp sting of incision-
That could free the chains,
That shackled our emotions.
Crazy were those times,
When I pillion-ed on your bike-
Listening to revelations,
Letting the 'sleeping pill'
Take its effect on me-
Watching old sagging aunties hooting,
At your good looks.
The way we loved music and  lassi,
Fountainhead and  the fish family-
Riding on and on,
Unbeknownst of the hour-
Watching the moon sparkle
In the night sky.
Times I sit and think back-
To those conversations under the moonshine.
Where we exchanged dreams,
And traded paths of filter.
How your glasses would gleam-
With the zeal you could share with me.
The gravity of the words-
Tempered with your well-known humour.
Letting the waves caress  my feet,
I watched you with her.
And knew all that you felt.
Amidst so many,
I knew you felt so lonely.
I had let my gaze linger,
Wishing that the thoughts would
Somehow magically transform
 Into words which only she could hear.
Many a times,
I had known when you had
Let silence close the distance.
Yet among us all,
You had been the gem-
By far.
In my mind flashes,
The first day you walked into class,
With the ponytail and shining specs.
A nerd , I thought-
Happy to be proven wrong.
Time and again,
You've been there,
As my solitary pillar of,
Strength, belief and support-
When the umbra of the tides,
Had been too much to tackle-
All alone.
With gratitude, I look your way-
As my anchor- keeping me rooted.
This bond, strengthens,
With each day-
As a part of me-
Etched, ingrained-
Vintage- in its essence.
I let my thoughts remain,
In your direction.
At the memories of
You and Me.
The way we could
Always feel at one-
Despite the distance.
I could never feel more alive,
Than when with you-
When you would always lead the way-
With my hand in yours.
Or laugh into my eyes,
Mostly at me.
The way you set the floor on fire,
With all eyes your way.
The way we would
Dare to dream-
And craft the divergence
To converge,
At a time and space-
Suitable to our pace.
So long had we,
Encrypted our own brand of humour-
That even with others-
I yearn for  that sly spark and sheer wit.
Our knowledge of each other,
Runs deep-
With which we choose to love and hurt-
Yet treasure it all-
As a seamless part of Us.
Disorientation thus mocks me,
At every hour-
When I think back,
To my missing pieces.
My jigsaw puzzle thus,
Remains incomplete.