Stay

Try as I  might,
I could not lock you out.
Stayed behind walls,
Strayed behind the rails-
Yet you came crashing through -
Breaking all bars-
To color my world,
And make me love the stars.
I'd sought nothing-
Looked out for none-
Afraid of walking the same path again-
And seeing the same end.
Yet your strength guided me,
Out of my dilemma-
As you reached out to
My core.
In every step,
You'd made your essence felt-
As deep in me, something stirred.
A primate emotion,
Long dormant-
Resurfaced with its varied hues.
You gave me back my sense of wonder,
And led me to place my faith
In life and its simplicity again-
Far away from all crooked corners,
And twisted neural pathways.
Somewhere,
I'd always given my all to you-
Unknowingly even -
At the first touch,
Or the first kiss,
As I found back my state of bliss,
While you led me home again.
Now I feel safe and sure,
With my head buried against your chest-
While your arms keep me steady
And careful eyes
A mirror
To me.
Joy surrounds me,
Like soft bubbles suspended perpetually,
While we live in and live through the present,
As the future remains obscure,
Like a jigsaw puzzle.

Test of Strength

The old sage had taught her to believe,
In the magical words of faith and trust.
Told her that hey were the charms,
Of all the voodoo,
That one had to practice,
To keep steady and evil away.
So long had she been blind,
Led by simplicity that irrationality could deploy.
She's walked a straight path,
And burnt her way through.
Followed her heart to the hilt,
Then see it shatter into minute
Incredulous pieces.
She bore a smile affixed-
Plastered like plastic,
While her eyes were blank.
The mirth she exuded,
Was none that she felt
Yet the sage had told  her to spread the cheer.
She clapped for others,
And danced for them-
Made herself a part of their joy-
Yet innately was much removed-
To the reality that she saw.
Aloof to most beckoning,
She walked on,
To the silent rhythm of her heart-
To find peace and joy-
Of her own.
Yet the innocuous wish seemed elusive.
As the promises one made to her,
Time and again,
Fell flat as they fell through-
Dragging her along with their
Broken flow.
When retrospective,
She thought back to the sagacious sayings,
And felt her bitterness as bile
Down her throat.
She laughed- aloud-
After years,
Amused at her own folly to follow her heart-
While all along,she could sense
Duality of motives and intentions.
Faith seemed harder to salvage
Than to find-
For all seemed rosy to her eye-
As she accepted most at face value.
Today , though,
When she looked into the mirror,
She could attach no recognition
To the person
Who stood in her reflection.
The eyes were dark,
As chocolate pools of caution-
While the hawk-like gaze was watchful.
Raw amusement crinkled at the corners,
As the wrinkles made their appearance too-
The white orbs, lacked life-
Soulless they seemed ghoulish-
As they looked rigidly at her.
The face had grown older too.
And more expressionless
While the smile seemed even more glassy-
Than what she would have let it be.
She shook her curls,
As the hands reached out to hug her tight,
And she stood, lost in her own self.

The face unloved

The eyes stare at the reflection,
Of the face unloved.
The creases around the eye-fold,
Stared back too- empty
As soul-less black pools-
Devoid of look or life.
The mirror cracks,
Smile, in the mockery,
That the face earns in its wake-
The body is leaden.
As wooden as the inner being.
Immobile and complacent,
The mind tries in vain,
To overcome the static and the strain-
That arrest its vision.
The tears, hiding far back,
In the forgotten recesses of the membrane-
Lurk around as they prick and poke-
Yet the flow remains absent-
While the splintered soul feels heavy-
With all that is pent-up-
Without an outlet.
Dry words die at the throat,
As the hollow voice refuses to speak up.
In silence, the shadow looks up-
In defiance- of the crippling times-
As the ugly feet rest abound in chains and shackles.
The much unloved face turns paler,
As with eyes closed,
The pain is felt deeper.
The gnawed hands,
Reach out to steady the body,
As it sways as it stands-
And then falls - with no echo.

Quagmire

Trapped in my the quagmire,

Of boundless positivity,

I yearn for simplicity

To shine supreme.

Everywhere I look,

Shadows are all I see-

Like ghouls, they hide the truth

From me.

Sapped of radiance,

I long to run away 

Into the golden daylight.

Where none can seek me,

And I can embrace my solitude in bliss.

Skepticism taunts me,

As beneath every smiling face,

I expect deceit.

Cynicism chars me,

As behind all reflexes,

I choose to identify the reasons.

My faith is nil,

As I stand at cross-roads-

Of reaching out or reaching within.

I feel the weight of dead emotions,

Like  lead,

Weighing down on me,

My mind , my own burden-

Suddenly unbearable.

Walking on cold tip-toes,

I realize with an engraved sorrow,

That I can cry no more.

As my tears would not surface,

To evince in totality

All that has rot within.

Heartless, soul-less,

I trudge along-

Not looking for a shelter,

Nor a shoulder-

But just to find me,

As I seem to have lost my own identity.

My id and ego remain pacific,

As the super remains natural at the affront.

Beyond it all,

I can see me,

Through the shards,

Of my own mirror -

As everything lies broken inside.

Poised

Throwing stones at the water,
She peers at the edge of the sea,
Looking at the orange horizon,
Where the setting sun meets the shore.
The golden haze,
Shoots its liquid darts,
Piercing through the blackened blue.
Grey clouds hover nearby-
Wondering - wandering.
The sea bellows as the waves crash by,
As the sea gulls screech home.
The lovers walk on  by,
Hands entwined-
Smiles fixed,
While the little urchin runs by,
Choosing targets with a wary eye.
Happy giggles of careless children,
Fill the air,
As they set ablaze the sand with their carefree steps.
The watchful eyes absorb the cheer,
The smile reflects the inner sanguine being.
Calmed by pace,
She finds her gait hold staid.
As the kaleidoscope whizzes by.
Her eyes shine,
With a mirth only best felt in solitude.
Her eyes still on the horizon,
She stops at the edge of the water.
With her eyes set yonder- far away
She dreams of spreading her wings,
And going beyond all shores.
Leaving intact the shreds behind,
To this land - to this day.
But chasing skylines her way.
With no thoughts to bound her with,
Or no pulls back to her land,
She aches to be the bird-
That she sees her
Soaring higher,
With every thrust,
As the spindle would fly its way
To the blue skies of freedom.
She longs to chase the sun-
Feel warmed by its sheltered glow-
As like the bird again,
She would migrate to her neverland.
She holds her head now,
A physical block to all her thoughts,
Abuzz aloud-
Chaining her to her sedentary reality.
Her inner screams are unheeded by her mind-
Plaintive be her plea of escape.
Yet her heart draws out its own map-
Its charter of rights ,
It abides by its own time,
Watchful of the ticking clock.
Waits for its own turn to strike-
And brings in the halo of serenity
Around her and keeps the anxious in check.

In loving memory of

Times and oft I had ,
Reveled in my reverie,
Imagining what it would be like-
To be back where I had felt whole once-
Again.
Had questioned if the essence would still be intact-
Unperturbed by the silence of the seas,
Or the echo of the distance.
In innocence, I had longed for conversion of needs,
To wants.
In my yearnings, I had sought to transform,
Real to surreal.
Yet we'd met,
To perhaps complete a circle.
Or draw lines that had to be rigidly in place-
More for me, than you.
Changes in you were easy to notice;
The once carefree expression giving way to studied nonchalance.
The mind behind the watchful eyes-
Sharp and agile-
Seeing all, and seeing through it all.
The hands- ever steady and ready,
To guide, yet refrained from contact.
The love's sheen amiss from the hooded stare-
Replaced by a benign calculated look of ,
A proud man ill-fitted at the wrong time and place.
Yet for me,
You raised the bar-
Higher than most,
Where the comparison no more seems easy.
As each day passes by in prayers,
Of forgetting or for getting.
Self-incompletion seems absolute,
As in my mind's eye, I label you,
Perfection embodied.
A sculpture of all that my puerile dreams could sketch.
A sepulchral symphony of senses,
To awaken me from my latent slumber.
A harmony that sings in its own solitary tune,
Like my own pied piper to race the devil in me.
As I danced in my folly to all that you'd played.
Looking back, scarlet does not strike with
Any self-effacing embarrassment,
Rather a queer quixotic surrender of willingly,
Having submitted for a time being -
To be in love with my time.
I cannot reflect back in sorrow,
Or let all hues of blues or greys,
Dominate over the tomorrows-
Because nothing that you'd done.
Was nothing that I'd known.
Consent, if at all,
Had been mutual and consequential.
We never made promises etched on stones,
To fight the circumstances-
We only made a pact to be fellow drifters-
Flowing along anchorless.
My hopes may not find reciprocation in yours-
Yet I cannot pine for the impossibility,
Of all that I sense -
The road to a dead end.
With love locked deep in my heart,
And steps light,
I can wade through my life-
Yet fully aware,
That I can never give my all to none ever-
Or feel the sheerness of all that you'd made me once.
The memories shall be cherished,
As the guiding force ,
To fuel me with a burning desire,
Of being a certain someone transformed.
For me, you'll always shine brighter,
With every passing day-
Yet I will be happier,
Leaving you in the zone of
The Untouchables and Unreachables.
Maybe paths would cross again-
In some other place and time-
Or maybe not-
As the circle had been completed after all.
But in my mind,
From my core,
I will always look out for you-
As a passive pair of  eyes,
Imploring for nothing ever,
Or imposing my belief system on yours-
Knowing that there is none,
To rise akin.

Waking Life

Free as a bird,

She glides smoothly 

Across her Universe-

With her soul light,

Her inner goddess 

Prances about with joy.

Her dark eyes brooding-

A clash against the porcelain white,

The orbs moist,

Yet ringed with wonder.

She feels her own evolution-

Her own transient metamorphosis,

Into a numb being devoid of  reactions.

Her eyes, blank and omniscient-

Stare at the savagery of the times,

Or find mirth in life's rhymes.

She absorbs but forgets to reflect.

Yet in her mind,

She feels free today-

As she no longer is chained by 

The weight of his presence-

That only served to undermine and gnaw

At her own spirited person.

Long ago she had left,

All dreams of a walk into the future,

With hands held and eyes locked.

In her world today,

These were but paltry visions-

Defying reality.

Jarred by the blackness of his persona,

She thanks God for the reawakening,

That came sooner than later,

For a healing to occur.

He had been a parasite merely-

Only lived to kill her beauty within.

She feels light,

A spring in her steps.

Her gait is purposeful-

As her pace takes her away from him,

Delve deeper into her own space,

To find her own self- intact.

She feels right,

The end is blurred doubtless,

Yet the means to it are clearer today.

She feels no love,

Walled be her presence,

Yet in its limits, reside her serenity.

Her way to hope, 

She chooses to recreate.

Placing her faith in none,

She learns to unlearn.

Leaning on none,

She decides to follow her heart still-

As it remains tightly clutched-

And not left astray on someone else's sleeve.

Her eyes have changed expressions too,

The jaggery seems jagged now-

Edges carved out with grit.

In caution lies her key,

In pristine sanguinity,

She roots her many dreams.

She still walks on her path of eggshells,

The cracks a cause for a jab back to earth.

Solitary she prefers her solitude,

Peace of mind at the cost of her own pieces.

She keeps happy smiley faces at bay,

Around her like happy balloons-

To lift her up and soar high-

While all along she remains

A silent trespasser

Of her own waking life.