In loving memory of

Times and oft I had ,
Reveled in my reverie,
Imagining what it would be like-
To be back where I had felt whole once-
Again.
Had questioned if the essence would still be intact-
Unperturbed by the silence of the seas,
Or the echo of the distance.
In innocence, I had longed for conversion of needs,
To wants.
In my yearnings, I had sought to transform,
Real to surreal.
Yet we'd met,
To perhaps complete a circle.
Or draw lines that had to be rigidly in place-
More for me, than you.
Changes in you were easy to notice;
The once carefree expression giving way to studied nonchalance.
The mind behind the watchful eyes-
Sharp and agile-
Seeing all, and seeing through it all.
The hands- ever steady and ready,
To guide, yet refrained from contact.
The love's sheen amiss from the hooded stare-
Replaced by a benign calculated look of ,
A proud man ill-fitted at the wrong time and place.
Yet for me,
You raised the bar-
Higher than most,
Where the comparison no more seems easy.
As each day passes by in prayers,
Of forgetting or for getting.
Self-incompletion seems absolute,
As in my mind's eye, I label you,
Perfection embodied.
A sculpture of all that my puerile dreams could sketch.
A sepulchral symphony of senses,
To awaken me from my latent slumber.
A harmony that sings in its own solitary tune,
Like my own pied piper to race the devil in me.
As I danced in my folly to all that you'd played.
Looking back, scarlet does not strike with
Any self-effacing embarrassment,
Rather a queer quixotic surrender of willingly,
Having submitted for a time being -
To be in love with my time.
I cannot reflect back in sorrow,
Or let all hues of blues or greys,
Dominate over the tomorrows-
Because nothing that you'd done.
Was nothing that I'd known.
Consent, if at all,
Had been mutual and consequential.
We never made promises etched on stones,
To fight the circumstances-
We only made a pact to be fellow drifters-
Flowing along anchorless.
My hopes may not find reciprocation in yours-
Yet I cannot pine for the impossibility,
Of all that I sense -
The road to a dead end.
With love locked deep in my heart,
And steps light,
I can wade through my life-
Yet fully aware,
That I can never give my all to none ever-
Or feel the sheerness of all that you'd made me once.
The memories shall be cherished,
As the guiding force ,
To fuel me with a burning desire,
Of being a certain someone transformed.
For me, you'll always shine brighter,
With every passing day-
Yet I will be happier,
Leaving you in the zone of
The Untouchables and Unreachables.
Maybe paths would cross again-
In some other place and time-
Or maybe not-
As the circle had been completed after all.
But in my mind,
From my core,
I will always look out for you-
As a passive pair of  eyes,
Imploring for nothing ever,
Or imposing my belief system on yours-
Knowing that there is none,
To rise akin.

Waking Life

Free as a bird,

She glides smoothly 

Across her Universe-

With her soul light,

Her inner goddess 

Prances about with joy.

Her dark eyes brooding-

A clash against the porcelain white,

The orbs moist,

Yet ringed with wonder.

She feels her own evolution-

Her own transient metamorphosis,

Into a numb being devoid of  reactions.

Her eyes, blank and omniscient-

Stare at the savagery of the times,

Or find mirth in life's rhymes.

She absorbs but forgets to reflect.

Yet in her mind,

She feels free today-

As she no longer is chained by 

The weight of his presence-

That only served to undermine and gnaw

At her own spirited person.

Long ago she had left,

All dreams of a walk into the future,

With hands held and eyes locked.

In her world today,

These were but paltry visions-

Defying reality.

Jarred by the blackness of his persona,

She thanks God for the reawakening,

That came sooner than later,

For a healing to occur.

He had been a parasite merely-

Only lived to kill her beauty within.

She feels light,

A spring in her steps.

Her gait is purposeful-

As her pace takes her away from him,

Delve deeper into her own space,

To find her own self- intact.

She feels right,

The end is blurred doubtless,

Yet the means to it are clearer today.

She feels no love,

Walled be her presence,

Yet in its limits, reside her serenity.

Her way to hope, 

She chooses to recreate.

Placing her faith in none,

She learns to unlearn.

Leaning on none,

She decides to follow her heart still-

As it remains tightly clutched-

And not left astray on someone else's sleeve.

Her eyes have changed expressions too,

The jaggery seems jagged now-

Edges carved out with grit.

In caution lies her key,

In pristine sanguinity,

She roots her many dreams.

She still walks on her path of eggshells,

The cracks a cause for a jab back to earth.

Solitary she prefers her solitude,

Peace of mind at the cost of her own pieces.

She keeps happy smiley faces at bay,

Around her like happy balloons-

To lift her up and soar high-

While all along she remains

A silent trespasser

Of her own waking life.

Eyes

Looking into your eyes,
I feel unsettled-
As the ashes have not been dusted off as yet.
You still splash across my mind,
As I stare at the cloudless sky-
The canvas of the flashes left long behind.
Perhaps it's not sunk in yet-
Or it still remains an incomplete fact,
Yet to be reconciled with.
The thoughts race as I look deeper,
Into the many layers veiled in your eyes.
The abstracts of all pent ups,
Rise up like bile-
The questions still linger on.
The voice caresses me in its memory,
Positivity shining bright.
The void bleak-
In your absence.
Certain parts of the room,
Still so sombre  in the dark,
As the armchair remains, sans its occupant.
Maybe I still look out for you,
Not accepting a certain inevitable.
Yet am forcibly reduced,
To look into your eyes,
As I communicate all that I must.

The Face

Through the cracks of silence,
And the pores of distance,
She peeks at the flashes of a memory dimmed.
Yet tonight seemed different-
As the candle light reminded her
Of a similar night
A couple of years back.
Drawn, by her own curiosity,
No longer frozenly withdrawn,
She lets the soothing silence steal over her-
As she hugs her knees to herself.
She lifts her eyes towards the ceiling-
Letting her mind draw the patterns,
And slowly as her thoughts gather form,
The face she had faded out for so long-
Regains shape and its arrogant structure.
The candle lit room show silhouettes in the wall,
And dark eyes, alight with un-denied desire.
She breathes in the smell she knew so well.
And lets it linger on for longer
As she giddily recollects greedily,
Of all that she'd felt then.
The ecstasy was sweeter,
In the knowledge of  a forbidden territory.
Yet a secret shared and cherished for sometime,
Edged sharply by the duality of times.
The words that'd followed- mellow in the aftermath,
Had ringed with promises that one could trust,
But must not.
Yet intensely,
The moment was all of truth,
And strangely of a childish dream come true-
In itself, flavored with hedonism.
The face she knew so well,
Remained thus as a skeleton in her closet,
But her secret desire nevertheless.
The face, in all its darkness,
Could still bring a smile-
For the agreement was mutual,
Of being & keeping a secret well.

Lighthouse

Standing on your toes,
You have let me dance through life.
Watched the world peering over the broad shoulders,
As you'd slowed down the pace,
And the simplified the wise ways.
You'd let me love the sunsets,
Instilling in me a faith in the sunrises,
Of a newer better tomorrow.
Letting me choose my pathways,
You've always let me have my way,
Forever remaining as a silent messiah,
A beacon in the dark-
Illustrative of all of Wisdom's good.
You have never painted me a picture
Of an ideal reality.
Rather, sacrosanct,
I hold your view,
Of a fulcrum outdoing darkness.
In my ascent,
Your words ring true,
As I gain my strength and composure.
I think of  you too,
At home,
Waiting and watching with a knowing look,
An omniscient supreme.
The hearth drawer and the painter of many dreams,
I have watched the sublime dreamer in you subside and submit.
Yet the surrender - though negated by most-
Was never seen as paltry.
My rise must mark its cognizance.
The hands that have conjured smiles on many,
Are those to be nurtured and nursed.
Therein lies a feat.
And as the cherub climbs up the ropes of evolution,
The lighthouse must shine on for her too-
Panning across miles and waves-
To illumine her a way she must choose.

Charms

Some kind of madness,

Swallows me whole,

Guiding me to what I call 'home'-

With the chains of dormancy,

Fading slowly,

A numb mind regains motion.

The star-less night sky-

A joy -

As the cold showers,

Pelt away on the window pane,

In urgency.

A wake-up call from a life gone awry?

I stare mesmerized-

At the dark grey green hills that beckon to me 

In all its mystery-

A curious contradiction of the known unknown.

The haunted soul,

Hunts for its missing pieces-

Hungry as a child for its mother's touch -

As the snake like path,

Winds its way to sense,

The horizon,

Less distant than I might have believed.

Reflective and pensive,

I settle back uneasy on my seat-

Watching the familiar images flash me by-

Memories tumbling over one another

Of another day, another time-

Not too far away in the past.

But clear as crystal,

Many answers dawn on my introspective questions.

Obviating my own void.

I have weight on my feet- not my mind.

My dance will always be,

As I choose - 

Steps following my own

Space and Time.

My veins shall always

Sing with a rhythm known,

As a sense of freedom must always 

Beseech me.

Let my sense of wonder,

Remain naive-

As I can still find joy 

In the simplest of things.

Let life be uncomplicated

With people I love

As a child.

A slow smile spreads,

As my heart gets to win over my shackled mind.

Armed with decisions,

I let the sound of happy muzak,

Erode through the corrosion 

Of my eros.

And at the heart of it all,

Shines my little kingdom,

In all its silvery glory.

A 'home'

To which I shall soon return.

The Wine Wizened Daze

You've been on my mind,
As much I try to run from it-
Putting up mental walls to block the images-
But they keep coming back.
I realize there's no end to you in my life-
We go on- a flow best left abstract.
The saga continues-
As in moments of alacrity,
We seek simplicity-
Perhaps best found in our eyes.
We never seem to drift,
Nor let distance affect our meets-
Despite not being on 'talking terms'.
Close to 7 years now,
And miles apart with no knowledge
Of divergent lives,
Past conversation threads,
Still linger on -
As haunting extensions of thought.
Whenever, wherever
Our paths have crossed,
You've always restored a sense of balance
In me- made me see me in a better light.
Each time the search for each other-
Has only made us better as beings to be re-introduced.
Somewhere down the line,
Our innocence of the simple days,
Of the simple ways of earlier life,
Still prevail.
So that despite all complexities and wine wizened daze,
Our certain vintage charm in sepia mode,
Survives -  like old wine in  a new bottle.
Out of a sense of re-attachment and self-inquisition.
I need to know about you and me-
About the journey headed to unknown destinations.
With my palms pressed against the tinted glass,
I need to see how much our surroundings have changed-
Or how far we've traveled sans a certain comfort.
The onward path-
Shaped by winds of change to imperfection
And carved by incompletion of the two lives.
Seized my wonderment,
Struck by the moment,
I feel a spark of joy light up-
For I know we've left the path open ended,
And shall meet again-
Only to ascertain the background score.