Grief

 Grief steals in slowly,

Into the least expected moments -

Leaving you defenceless 

Weakening your core. 

Its always around you -

About you,

Creeping in like a shadow,

That's the strongest

On the sunniest of days. 

And no matter how strong 

You had willed yourself to become,

Grief forces you to unbecome -

As you let go of your guards,

That had made you stand tall -

Like the iron maiden,

Against the gusts of change. 

With grief, 

Settles in the dusts -

Nothing but the cobwebs 

Of the memories 

Past their time- 

Ashen in their wake,

Blue as you lie awake -

Through the many nights ;

Tearless and joyless

Forlorn - in your ways.

Greens and greys 

Of the days -

Blend and blur

As you navigate

The dusk and dawn,

That seem to spiral 

Out of control- 

Leaving you lost -

Trying to soak it all up 

Flirting at the brink 

Of sanity - 

While you try to hold on

And not sink.

The Last 4 Decades

 She sat tall,

Holding the steaming mug of cocoa - 

Her head tilted against the sunlight,

As she gazed unseeing yonder. 

Her mind scurried through,

Her colorful memory lane -

At 60, she felt neither young,

Nor old. 

Just living  - alive.

The grey mane shone against

The setting sun,

Its rays almost lilting,

Against the blue rims of her glasses. 

The hands that held the cocoa mug, 

Had the markings of hard-work and effort - 

The veins stood out,

Muscular and strong

While the red painted nails,

Added the fire to the soul. 

Her face was strong too - 

Almost in defiance of the ways of the world.

Her lips wore a knowing smile,

That hinted at the lessons learnt 

That were to be passed on to her grandchild. 

And as she gazed yonder,

Lost in thoughts,

Weaved with silence -

Her eyes suddenly chanced upon 

A much loved form 

Walking stooped towards her coffee shop. 

The slightly balding head,

Enconsed in a familiar berret.

As he drew near,

She drew a deep breath too -

The rush of memories gushed by, 

As she swirled them over,

In her mind's eye. 

Their eyes met 

As he entered,

The last 25 years stood still 

Between them - 

As time froze 

And the seconds vanished.

As he walked towards her -

He was the same Cadet who'd 

Proposed to her 

On the banks of the Nile - 

Where they had made 

Their own love isle. 

He hugged her 

And she breathed in the familiar cologne

That defined her husband to her - 

This man, who had matched her rhythm,

Everyday in the last four decades. 

The hospital death bed

 In my mind's eye

I see the stoic face -

Austere against,

Any signs of life. 

The cold hands,

Now bluish grey -

Lose their grip 

The fingers astray -

Purposeless. 

The heartline was flat -

The monitor,

Strangely silent -

Beepless. 

The family standing by - 

Awash with grief,

Numbed by disbelief. 

Silent hot tears

Roll down 

The little girl's cheeks 

In streaks. 

Her rosy face 

As ashen as the form,

That lay lifeless on the 

Hospital deathbed. 

Her bonny fingers,

Grasp her grandmom's dead ones -

The clasp ,

A cusp between 

Life and death - 

Two sides of the same smudged coin. 

 

Unbreakable

You won't ever break me,

Shake me or see me ruptured. 

You will never find me 

Lonely and lost - 

Like a lonesome comet,

Trudging a path to decline. 

Try as you may,

You can never 

Get under my skin - 

Never make me budge,

From my stoicity. 

For I am strong,

Made of steely guts - 

That can withstand anything,

That you may throw at me. 

My eyes will always shine bright -

The kohl never smudged 

But my heart will always be 

Airtight - 

Defensive against the word bombs -

That your love has,

Reduced us to. 

Fading away

 Fading away slowly,

The milky eyes 

Stared at the clock - 

Waiting for it to tick out,

And peace to steal in.

As life waeaved its way 

Into the final few minutes, 

The lifespan played in a loop -

With her reliving all of it. 

Was it worth anything,

She wondered? 

Was the life lived 

A mark of something good,

Or a question mark forever?

What was the legacy that

She would leave behind - 

What was it that others would

Remember her by?

The blurry gaze settled on her family -

The teary anxious faces 

That looked at her in fear. 

She smiled -

A watery weak crease on her lips.

She felt a sense of serenity suddenly,

As she looked up,

She saw her own parents smiling down on her.

She stretched out her hand 

To wave at them -

And then let it settle down 

Limp by her side.

Her heart fluttered 

As did her eyes. 

She closed her eyes 

And held her daughter -

One final time.

Leaves

A blank mind,

Stares moodily,

Into the empty screen in front. 

A body bereft of a desire,

To rise or move - 

Stuck in the comfort,

That inertia alone can tempt with. 

The empty canvas,

Of the mind's eye- 

Retraces the patterns,

That nostalgia brings forth. 

The old and familiar -

Seem a safe haven,

To slink and escape to. 

The reality now,

Too jaded-

For the soul,

So faded. 

The noir,

Conspicuous in it's ire-

Wanes into grey too,

As the numbness 

Steals into the 

Deepest corners of the heart.

He had played his part,

Living dead,

Loving the dead.

Now, it was time

To bow out-

Turn the page,

Turn over into

A green new leaf.

Parts of Me

 

There is a part of me,

That knows no emotion-

Walking blank and black,

Thrust into the Noir.

There is a part of me,

That is happy-

Deliriously so,

Delusional as well.

There is a part of me,

Afraid to let 

The dam break,

Or the guards down-

Hesitant to fuel,

The controversy that curiosity 

Can alone raise. 

There is a part of me,

That's watchful-

Silent and steady,

In a pensive gaze

Cast across the world around-

Reserving the scorn,

That myopia can bring. 

There is a part of me today,

That keeps counting the seconds,

Instead of the blessings-

To go beyond,

And very far away - 

Where the elasticity

Of the horizon line,

Is still unknown.

That is a part of me,

That is scattered and splattered -

In debris of my hubris,

Picking up the pieces-

To still hold on,

Un-waned and Un-tamed.